I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
