I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
