I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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