We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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