Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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