the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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