When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
