you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
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apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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