There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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