I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
