my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
