I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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