the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Pooping to opera.
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