I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
