so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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