This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
