It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
