Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im six kinds of drunk right now
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
