Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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