We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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