remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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