we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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