Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
