hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
