can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
