Me too!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
