You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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