What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
