Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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