i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
