How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
