just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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