so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
