Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
