I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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