We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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