Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
