you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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