I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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