Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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