Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
