One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
