I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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