i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
