:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
