Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
