so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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