so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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