You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
