God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
