Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
