...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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