I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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