This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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