i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
