Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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