Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
