Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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