I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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