You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
