The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
