Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
