it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
