and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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