Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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