some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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