Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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