chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
